Kayaking With Some Ladies

Two Thursdays ago, Alex's "wicked amazing" cousin, Jen Smith, came to Montgomery for a visit. She flew all the way from Rhode Island to spend a week with our beloved Alexandria. Early in the week, Alex and Brittany and I decided it would be a good idea to go kayaking as soon as Jen arrives, one because Brittany has the day off, two, I had the afternoon off, and three, it would be the only time for us all to have together during the day. So, it was set, after the girls picked up Jen from the airport, we were off to go Kayaking. 

Where in Alabama can you go kayaking? Well, good question, it's one I had to ask several times. Lacee and Corrine, two of our close female friends, went kayaking the other weekend and told us about this place... Coosa River Adventures. It was fairly cheap to go kayaking... 22.50 for a two man, tandem, sit-on-top kayak. The whole course was about seven miles... The true question was... are we up to the challenge?

Well, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Alexandria and I flipped a total of four times. Brittany and Jen flipped only once. What a day . . . It was a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to the next time we go...

However, there was a lesson learned from this day . . . Kayaking is very much a team building sport when you have double kayaks. Double kayaks are referred to as tandems  . . . that means working as a single unit. Well, I had some problems with that . . .  I was a very prideful man... I didn't want to listen to Alexandria, she had a different way of rowing . . . I was taught one way, she another. However, I should have known better than to puff up my chest and expect her to follow my lead no matter what. That's not team work... that's egotistical and insecurity. I love her so much. I should have been more willing to love her and work next to her, not drag her along.

I am sorry, babe, for the way I treated you that day! I love you and I should have known better. I want all over guys to know being a man isn't overpowering or belittling . . . humility and meekness. And meek doesn't mean weak... it's POWER UNDER CONTROL. Christ was meek, so why can't we be?

Me and Gulliver

A couple of days ago, I was watching "Gulliver's Travel" with Alexandria, Brittany, and Jen (Alex's 'wicked amazing' cousin from Rhode Island). Lemuel Gulliver (Jack Black) has been working in the mail room of a New York daily newspaper for the past ten years. Afraid to put himself out there, he considers himself a loser, as do all his peers. One day, after having finally had enough, he decides to declare his flame to the beautiful Darcy Silverman, the newspaper's travel editor and one of Gulliver's only friends...only to chicken out at the last minute and instead tell her that he'd like to try his hand at writing a column. Darcy accepts and sends him on an assignment to the Bermuda Triangle. There, Gulliver becomes shipwrecked and ends up on the island of Liliput, where he is twelve feet taller than the tallest man. For the first time, Gulliver has people looking up to him.

Well, I really enjoyed this movie, I've been enjoying a lot of Jack Black's more recent movies... he's becoming quite the actor. Anyways, I was able to really identify with this movie. I've been in the same shoes as Gulliver has, I was Gulliver, minus the job and inverted whirlpool.

Most of my life, I use to lie about who I was, the things I've done, the people I know, just to be able to impress other people. I thought my life was so dull. I thought my life was nothing compared to everyone else. I had a very vivid imagination, I could come up with stories that were so amazing, yet highly believable. I wanted people to think I lived a crazy adventurous life. I wanted them to envy me, at least the me I wanted people to know. I not only did I want other to like cool, always on the go, me... but I wanted to like myself too. But man... keeping up with all those lies and trying to make up new stories all the time is so hard and tiring. I wasn't happy with my life, I wasn't happy with who I was, I was ashamed and disgusted with the things that I have done. It was just easier to make up a new me than face the real one.

Well now, at 22 years of age, student in college about to became a husband to a very wonderful woman whom I do not deserve.... I still struggle with my self-esteem. I still struggle with wanting to be someone better without having to work for it. Lazy and immature, I know... slowly, I'm growing out of it, accepting myself, more and more everyday. Love who God has made me... knowing I am constantly being molded into who HE wants me to be.

This next reference is a shocker, but hear me out. Lady Gaga has a new anthem, Born This Way. Through this song, Gaga encourages people to accept who they are, don't try and change anything, don't try and be something they aren't... don't try and be someone their not. Just be you and own it. Good stuff, huh? I think so! It's a daily lesson I face, but thank God I don't have to face it alone. God has surrounded me with some pretty awesome people to support and encourage me and smack me back to reality! Thanks Guys and Gals! Ya'll be a lot to me!

Until next time, God bless!
Lucas

Breaking Free!

Amazing grace how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

I once was lost, but now I'm found,

Was blind, but now I see

My chains are gone, I've been set free

My God, my Savior, Has ransomed me

And like a flood, His mercies reign,

Unending love, Amazing grace

I remember the first time I heard this song. It brought tears to my eyes. In high school, I was an active member of First Baptist Church in Elberton, Georgia. I was involved with everything... I song on the Sunday morning praise team, I was a member in the youth praise band, I was involved with all the youth activities.

One Sunday afternoon we, the youth praise band, were sitting my friend's living room brainstorming on a set list. One of the songs suggested was Chris Tomlin's My Chains are Gone. Wow, what a powerful song, what a powerful message . My chains are gone and I'VE been set free! It reaffirms that the power of Christ will free you from all darkness, through obedience.  However, at the time, I was wrapped up in so much sin, living a double life, constantly lying to people. I would be leading songs in church services. I would telling people to live for God, and behind the scenes, I was sneaking out of the house, going to parties, smoke weed, fornicating . . . I was a complete mess.

I can't really describe exactly how I felt, there was a strong since that I was being held down by my sin. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't breathe. I had no control. It felt as if I were literally chained down, bound. I couldn't get away. I couldn't run away. I was always dragged back. I was stuck . . . I was scared. I was lonely. I was too prideful to admit I was in trouble. But for a small moment in my life, I felt relief. I felt hope, refuge, strength. But it didn't last. I sabotaged  my progress. I relapsed, hard.

It took a couple of years for me to come back around. But I finally did. I enrolled into a rehabilitation center in Woodstock, Georgia, where I spent four and a half gruesome months sifting through my past and confronting things I've hidden all my life. With Christ, I was breaking away from my bondage, I was destroying those chains what held me down for so long. I was released! Or so I thought .

Unfortunately, rehab only scratched the surface. There was so much that I was holding back, keeping it a secret because I was so ashamed. I had so much guilt, I didn't want anyone to know everything about my life. I withheld some crucial parts of my life to myself. When I was a child, I was sexually abused. I was very young, no older than seven. I was forced to do things and swore to keep it a secret. That is my deep dark secret. But you know what, I don't care if people know anymore. I don't care if people judge me for it. I don't care if people think less of me. I was a child. It wasn't my fault. And if it happened to you, know this . . . it is NOT  your fault! You didn't know any better . . . you couldn't fend for yourself. You could fight back. You couldn't have known it was wrong. I didn't. I was told that it was normal. That it happens to everybody. What lies, what deception.

But that's a whole different story. The point of my telling you, the world, my dark secret is to tell you that secrets are NOT healthy. Especially if you have to care it yourself. Secrets are a false safety net created by the devil. Secrets keep you in the dark. Secrets feed on your fear and your insecurity. They drain your life. They drain you self-worth. Secrets can be the strongest chain the devil has on you. So, I challenge you to find someone who you trust, someone who without a doubt will keep things confidential. Seek that man or woman out and tell them what is going on in your life. The good, the bad, and the ugly. We all need that special someone who we can confide in, mine in my fiancé, Alexandria. She knows everything about me, I know I can tell her everything and it will be kept between the two of us. Life is to hard to do it alone. Life gives you a heavy load to be caring it around solo. Voice your hurts, your pains, your joys. Don't be afraid to walk next to someone. It will make life much easier.

In conclusion to my long winded rambling, I leave you with this . . . a video I was introduced to several years ago. Listen to it, watch it (it's in the previous post) . . . it has a powerful message behind it.

Until next time, God bless you all!
Lucas 

Lifehouse's Everything Skit

Truth Be Told... I am different!

Now, I totally forgot that I had a blog. Not too surprising, huh? I haven't added to my blog in months, quite a few months. As a child, I was very good at writing journals. Journals documented my life, my thoughts, my feelings. I would write about anything and everything. My journals were an outlet, away to be myself without having a fear of being judged. You see, I was very concerned with the opinions of others. My worth came from what people thought of me and how they interacted with me. If they laughed at my jokes and commented on my look, I was very confident. If they poked fun at me or ignored me for just one second, I was crushed, insecure until I received a smile from them. Silly, perhaps, but that's just the way I dealt with people.

Sadly enough, my need for affirmation and approval came from an underlining psychological problem. I was adopted at a very young age. So young I barely was able to celebrate my 30 days of life before I was given the woman I love to refer to as Mommy. I've always knew I was adopted, raised in a home of adopted/foster children. I've always known that my mom loves me very much! What I didn't know is why my biological parents gave me away. I was told that I had older siblings. For years I assumed they were all living in one house and I was the "runt" of the batch. I was the only one given up because there was something wrong with me. 

So, this is why I had so many self-esteem problems. This is why I had become a people-pleaser; why I would do anything to become accepted. Thank the good Lord I am not that way anymore. The change started with a very intense conversation I had with my mother. I was in rehab (totally different story for a different post, LOL), my "counselor was mediating. Tears strolled down my face, shame consumed my body. I was shaking with anger, sadness, frustration, worthlessness. Who was I to demand answers of why I was the only one given up. I was lucky enough to be in a family. It could have been worse, I could have been left on the side of the road to die. What right did I have to validate my existence?

Well, come to find out. I was born into a very poor family. I was the fourth child of the Addry family. My biological father was very abusive and used my biological mother. The three other children birthed, suffered from malnutrition, as did I. I was a runt, but a runt in a family of runts. I was the only one who was healthy enough to be considered for adoption.

When I learned about that... I have a new found perspective on life. I'm not a reject. I'm not a runt. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm loved. I'm cared for. I'm a child of God. I'm worth something to someone... several people I suppose. I've been taken out of danger and placed into safety. I love my family, as crazy as they may be, I love them! I am about to start a whole new family of my own with my fiance, Alexandria Elizebeth Hisey! I love her more than anything in this world. She has been my constant source of growth, outside of Christ that is. She builds my confidence, my esteem, my value, my integrity. She makes me want to be the best man there could possibly be. She makes me smile like no one else in this world. She makes me laugh like no one else. She makes me cry like to know else. She has given me a purpose, she has given me a dream. She has been there for me from the beginning of my destruction unto the restoration. She loved me when people rejected me, she comforted me when people stomped me down, she held me when I was left alone. I love her with all my heart! Thanks, babe, for being there for me! I love you!!

Driving Paranoia...

This past Saturday, I took a defensive driving course. The first time I've taken a class was the summer after my Junior year of high school. I was a very prideful and foolish young man. I was very arrogant in thinking I was an exception to laws, rules, and regulations.

It was a hot and muggy afternoon in Athens, Georgia. I had a voice recital in a Lutheran church down town. After a great night's performance, I decided to treat myself to some new clothes. Well, I lost track time and realized I only had 20 minutes to get home for curfew. Well, instead of calling home and telling Mom of my situation, I decided I would be able to just speed home and beat the clock. Ha... see foolish...

Well, on my way home I've been doing a solid 80-85 mph, but I was stopped in Comer in Madison County. The sheriffs of Madison County had a slow night, so when I was pulled over, within fifteen minutes, I saw six sheriff vehicles and 10 officers. Well, none of them could believe that I was under 18 years old, because of how old I looked. I was dressed in charcoal gray slacks, a blue button up, and a tie to match. I had a full facial hair to top it all off. Well, after the ridicule, I was arrested and put in the back of one of the sheriff's cars to await a ride to pick me up.

Needless to say, it wasn't one of my shining moments. So, indorder to soften the blow of the judge's conviction, I took a defensive driver's course. And it did, I had my liscence suspended for a month. Lucky, huh? But yeah, the first time i took the defensive driver's course, I dismissed most of the information that I had and I only learned enough to pass the class. However, this time around was much different. My instructor was Lee Roberts. He has been working for Defensive Driver's School for about 10 years. He only works six days a month. He's had a pretty inpressive life. He's served our country in the Navy. Then he was a bus driver, then a train operator, and then a teacher... he's a jack of all trades. Well, he made the class very interesting, gave personal experiences to illustrate different points or reason why we have such laws. Great teacher... I would recommend learning from him to anyone.

Well, since I've taken the class, my alertness for other drivers has been enhanced. My mom drove home and I was a nervous wreck. She was doing so much that was wrong. I was clinging on to the handle on the side door for dear life. She was talking up and storm to the point of distraction. She would slam on the breaks, to run red lights, or cut people off. Man, just gives me more gray hair just thinking about it. Hahahaha. And other people make me nervous too! I see people trying to multitask while they drive... one woman was putting on make-up, eating, and talking on the phone. Goodness, people are just so reckless now a days! I am not a proud defensive driver!

Following Trends...

Blogging seems to becoming for popular everyday. I've read numerous blogs where people pour their hearts and souls out for all to read. I've read blogs where people just tell about their mondane lives. I've read blogs of missionarys, and how blogging is a great way to keep their loved ones updated on their lives. I've read blogs where people focus on one subject. My girlfriend, Alexandria, is blogging about her journey with Christ as she battles Fibromyalgia. Our friend, India, is blogging about different teas and coffees she'll be trying during the winter break. The possiblities on what you can blog about are endless.

I want to tell you of my journey, my life -- the past, the present, and the future. I love telling my past to people because of the reactions. I'm not the same person I was a month ago. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Do you know why? It's because of the power of God and HIS love for us. He's changed my life, my thoughts, my actions... all to glorify Him. Now, I'm not perfect by any means. I'm just saying... life is much more managable with I'm in God's will. I pray that you will be able to see that!

So, thanks for reading! Merry Christmas and God bless!